#23 From Sin to Grace: Brenna Naufel's Intimate Journey of Redemption and Healing-Part 1

Today, on No More Running, we pull back the curtain as we journey through a deeply personal and transformative story of faith, sin, and redemption. Join us as Brenna, a pastor's wife, offers a raw and candid account of her life, detailing her journey from a sense of enslavement by sin to the liberating power of God's grace. Gifted with remarkable transparency, Brenna paints a vivid picture of finding joy and freedom in surrendering to God amidst personal trials.

In a riveting conversation, Brenna reveals a chapter of her life where she was entangled in a five-year affair. It's a gritty tale of the human struggle with sin, but it's also a story about the power of honesty, faith, and the road to recovery. Through her ordeal, Brenna eventually musters the courage to admit her wrongs to her husband, setting off a chain of events that would pave the way for healing and forgiveness.

In the concluding segment, we tread the path of forgiveness and healing with Brenna. She unveils the transformative aftermath of immediate forgiveness, her dedication to truth, and the unyielding support from her church community. If you've ever felt ensnared in your own mistakes and yearned for a glimmer of hope, Brenna's journey serves as a heartening reminder that grace and redemption are always within reach. Buckle up and join us in this powerful episode of No More Running, as we explore the beauty of second chances and redemption.

To learn more about Brenna Naufel's story and her book, From Lover to Beloved, visit her website at www.fromlovertobeloved.com (there are some additional resources on this site as well)

Please follow on Instagram @brennanaufel

Enjoy my etsy shop - https://www.etsy.com/shop/SkippingLikeaCalf (SAVE 20% with code NOMORERUNNING) 

Also, here is a direct link to my book on Amazon if you are interested in checking it out! 

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:07

Have you ever found yourself running? Running mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially and even running physically from things in this life. This is no More Running. The podcast for women.

Speaker 1: 0:20

Hello, I'm your host, crystal Lloyd, and I've been known to run and still find myself running from the things in this life. Running from God, His calling, his purpose for my life. Running from change that's within my control, that needs to be made, or any type of change. Running from hard or even good or even just simple little things in this life. And God said to me Crystal, if you will stop running and surrender, there are things that we can accomplish together. Maybe you find yourself running as I have. I want you to know that you're not alone. Let's go from running to no More Running together.

Speaker 1: 1:00

Let's get started with prayer, holy Spirit, we invite you to be a part of the podcast, the lessons, the life coaching and the sharing of our stories. Let it be known today that you are God. God, help us to go from running in this life, from whatever it may be that we're running from, from running to no More Running. In Jesus' name, welcome friends today on no More Running.

Speaker 1: 1:36

I'm excited for our guest to share her story. This is the first time that we have had this type of story on no More Running. And she is a pastor's wife and I love to have other pastor's wives on the podcast to share their story and their, their running story and then their how they went from running to no More Running. So welcome, and you know, if you've been following me any at all, guest days are my favorite. I love to have guests on, I love to hear their story, I love to just give you even God's word and and then through them and through their story, that they can share how they they went from running to no More Running. So today I want you to welcome Brenna, brenna, welcome.

Speaker 2: 2:32

Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here. Oh, I'm excited.

Speaker 1: 2:37

So we'll go right into your story. First, Tell us a little bit about you. And we met through it's a Facebook group and it's called Need a Guest and like you need a guest on your podcast or if a guest wants to share their story, and so that's how we got connected. And then just reading and then doing my homework, like I call it Facebook stalking yes, yes, I was like she's a. You know, you tell me that you were a pastor's wife and that right there I was like, oh yeah, another pastor's wife that will share their story.

Speaker 1: 3:17

And when I was younger, always thought that the pastor's wife were so perfect and they had this perfect life. You know, they lived in this Christian home and and and even me. I expected myself to be this perfect pastor's wife. And when I failed, I thought, well, you know, I'm not worthy to be a pastor's wife. I'm not worthy, Lord. I look at my past. I can't do this. So, but I am so excited and I'm not going to talk too much because I want you to share your story, because it's so beautiful, so you just take it away.

Speaker 2: 3:53

Okay, thank you. Yeah, so again, my name is Brenna. I live in Colorado Springs, colorado. As you mentioned. My husband is a pastor and he has been for about 11 years, but we have been in ministry for about 20, been married 25 years as of this past April, which is amazing, especially once you hear more of our story. And I have two children here on earth and we actually have five babies in heaven, and so that's another whole story for another whole time. But, yeah, and you know, we love our family. We're excited to get to see them again, you know, one day.

Speaker 2: 4:27

And yeah, so I'm just kind of serve it alongside of him in ministry. But also I feel like now it's kind of call me to speak and share my story and other capacities as well and hopefully bring some hope to people who have been running and encourage them to turn back to God and certainly have experienced that and I'm excited to share that for sure.

Speaker 1: 4:50

Brenna, I had said that this is the first time that we've ever had anyone share their story like your story in for a few years. Part of your story is that you were unfaithful in your marriage, and so when can you tell us a little bit about that, about your running story? How did all of that start in your marriage? And then, why, why share your story? Why not keep it hid under a rock? Because that's so easy to do, because you know, as pastors, wives, we don't sometimes want the congregation to know our life, what we went through, what we you know our running story basically, and why why share this with other women?

Speaker 2: 5:46

Yes, well, I'll answer that second part first, and then we'll kind of go back into the whole story.

Speaker 2: 5:53

I share it because what I experienced with God after having been enslaved in sin and been dead for so long believing so many lies that God would never take me back, he could never forgive me.

Speaker 2: 6:05

What I experienced with God after finally recenting and coming back to Him was so incredibly amazing and beautiful and beyond anything I could have hoped for and imagined. His grace was just overflowing and just such an outpouring on my life. He taught me so many things, just beautiful, intimate ways in speaking with me, and so I share it because I have experienced what it was like to be again enslaved and moving into a life of freedom and joy and how, basically, that's what God created us for. He created us to live a life of freedom and joy in him and so, just with all of the things that he did in my life and just how beautiful he is and he was in that time, I don't feel like I can't not share my story. It's just so incredible and so, yeah, I've kind of had to get over, you know wearing the scarlet A on my chest if he will, but I know that that's not my identity. I know that's not who I am in Christ. Amen, yes. And so I just am excited to share again just the hope that God has for us that had been running from him for so long. And so I'm going back to the first part of like, what are we talking about here? Yes, yeah. So very briefly, I'll just even start.

Speaker 2: 7:32

When I gave my life to Christ at 16, I felt at that time that he was putting in my heart that I would be a pastor's wife. And even though I had that in my heart and I felt like that was something the Lord gave me, I still very quickly put God on the back burner when it came to boys in relationship and there was just something in me I think it was just trying to kind of fill this other void that I had, even though you know God had completely saved me and he was with me. That was the first thing to kind of go out the window was when it came to boys. And so I had various relationships throughout high school and college and I finally came to a place where I was like God, I am so tired of manipulating all of these relationships, I'm tired of not honoring you in these relationships. I mean most of the morning with Christians, let alone, like on the path to become a pastor. You know what I mean? Yes, and so I attended a Christian leadership training program my between like my software and junior year of college, I believe and at the beginning of the summer I said, god again, I'm done.

Speaker 2: 8:35

I don't want to date anyone ever again, unless they intend to mirror me. I want who you have for me. And so I did that that summer. And then, like lo and behold, within the first week I met this boy named Garrett and started feeling pretty quickly early on, like this is but God's calling, this is the guy you're going to marry. I'm like God. I just told you like I'm done with this. And yet he kept giving it back and giving it back. And so we met at the beginning of that summer. We were engaged by the end of the summer. It was very flat, you know very fast.

Speaker 1: 9:05

Yeah, well, it's so good to hear another pastor's wife story on that, because early on, when I was like in seventh, eighth grade, the Lord, as I was praying for my husband's my husband because my mother's husbands were abusive and I knew I did not want that, so early on I felt God calling me to be a preacher's wife. I remember and not knowing where that came from. And so it's good to hear another young person, 16 years old, that God was calling you to be a pastor's wife. He, he lets you know this is what's coming in your future and I love that love that we share that together.

Speaker 2: 9:50

So I do too. That is so.

Speaker 1: 9:51

That is so neat to hear, yeah, and I encourage you, know youth, as they are praying. The Lord will tell you what he has plans for you and it's up to us to be like okay, god, I surrender, yeah, yeah, but go ahead.

Speaker 2: 10:09

Yeah, that's so good, yeah, because I certainly wasn't, you know, you know finding that in the relationships I was, you know, participating in. So so, yeah, so we, and at that during that summer he was actually on his way to another school in Colorado to get like a full. He had a full ride for his doctorate degree and some kind of psychology and but he really felt like God put on his heart to not do that and to go into ministry. So even, like you know, god was kind of coming in and changing the trajectory of his life as well and and so it's just really neat to see that. And so we again, we got engaged, we got married, probably about nine months after that. Oh, wow, that means as well.

Speaker 1: 10:49

I mean, we, we talked for a little while, a little while, and then we got engaged and within nine months we were married, and then this October we'll be married 27 years. So that's awesome. Oh my gosh, I love that so many similarities.

Speaker 2: 11:05

That's really fun. And so we we lived in Austin Texas at the time. The people we had met this leadership training program were the people we met from Austin Texas and their church and their ministry. We just fell in love with them and that's where we wanted to really serve and to be. And so we lived there for about four and a half years working full time, with the intent for him to go in a full time ministry. And when he did, we decided we would move to Missouri and get involved with the college church there. And so when that happened this is kind of where the story starts. If you will, I'll try to give a little background.

Speaker 2: 11:41

We moved to Missouri. We were completely cut off from all that community that we had, and I grew up a military brat, so I moved every other year, I went to four different high schools and, like I didn't have a base of friendships like I had ever experienced with this group of people, and so we moved to Missouri. He went into the process of raising financial support, because that's how we were, you know, got paid. Basically, to do full time ministry on campus was to raise support, and it took a long time. It was two years and it was during this time that we weren't really plugged into our local church, because they just kind of send you off and say, go get your money and then come back when you're done, in a sense you know, not that lonely, but that's how it feels and I just really stopped spending time with the Lord kind of slowly. I felt like this wasn't all like Conscious thinking, but at the time I think I felt like I could just coast, based on my, you know, previous relationship with God and all that he had just done and this miracle of our marriage and you know All the things, and I just stopped really spending time with the Lord. We didn't have a community and it didn't spend time with the Lord, and so I wasn't taking my thoughts captive and they would start just kind of wander.

Speaker 2: 12:58

I worked in the athletic department at the University of Missouri, surrounded by a ton of men, and I would, honestly, I would just start to fantasize about being pursued, not anything physical, I want to stop it in my mind of anything physical happening, you know.

Speaker 2: 13:14

So so that's not too bad right, you know just I just wanted to be, have this feeling of being pursued here, but that eventually because I wasn't taking my thoughts captive led into Men flirting with me in real life. That I didn't stop, you know, because that felt good too, right, like I was kind of really being pursued in a little way. And I came to the point where I was I found myself alone with a man and he took that opportunity to kiss me. And again, in my mind, in all of these scenarios, that is something I never, ever, would have done or allowed. I always stopped it ahead time. You know, imaginary line we draw on the sand that you're not supposed to cross, you know, yeah, that's, that's what that was. But instead, of course, it just ignited this feeling in me that wanted more of this feeling and that led into, then, a full blown affair With this man.

Speaker 1: 14:16

Let's take a quick break. I'm excited to tell you that I'm offering life coaching. If you're interested in coaching with me or want to learn more, run on over to my website, crystal Lloyd calm that's crystal with a C and Lloyd with one L and sign up for a free 20-minute coaching session with me. Also, don't forget to join my email list. You can email me info at Crystal Lloyd calm.

Speaker 2: 14:42

Can't wait to help you to go from running to no more running and we were in ministry at the time, in college ministry, so it's super hidden, but I'm, you know, doing all the things at church and and I worked with this man so I saw him all the time In. That affair lasted for five years. So five years. This started at six years into our marriage at last, for five years, so it was nearly half of our entire marriage at the time that I finally confessed. But even then and a fast-forwarding about I had tried to stop it so many times but yet I would always fall back into it because I hadn't Confessed it. I hadn't confessed it to anyone.

Speaker 2: 15:28

It was so secret and so shameful. I Didn't want to be doing the things I was doing. I'm like I would cry sometimes. Even after being with this person, I could feel the Holy Spirit like literally grieving inside of me. I can't even describe like the death that I felt in my heart and in my spirit, but I would keep returning to it over and over again. Right and now I'm like there's a verse that says like how the dog returns to his vomit. You know, I'm like that's that was me Just returning to the vomit over and over again. And finally, through God's just provision, because I was not again confessing and coming into the light and repenting of my sin, I was confronted by another co-worker who had a sense of what was going on and he had his own motives. We won't get into those. It was very convoluted, but God still used that confrontation Right For me to finally confess to Garrett.

Speaker 1: 16:33

Well, you know, maybe God placed him there in your life to help to stop your running, because you were running towards sin and the flesh and what the flesh wanted, and God used him. I mean, we've seen it over and over in the Bible how God has used non-Christian people for his agenda. So he placed him in your life to put a stop to your sin, to put a stop to your running so to speak.

Speaker 2: 17:11

Yeah, yeah, no, absolutely. And so when I did confess, you know, I came home and this guy I skipped this, but this guy had actually called Garrett he said you tell him what I do. I said give me a few days. I was the breadwinner, I had the insurance, this is my job as well. So I was trying to figure it all out and again, I just trust that God did what he needed to do there. But this man wound up calling my husband and saying did you know your wife was doing this?

Speaker 1: 17:43

Well, you know what? It's a good thing he did. Yeah, again, I might have found another reason to Right. Exactly Putting it off.

Speaker 2: 17:50

I know I have to figure this out and I got to know Exactly and what I've learned through that is, when God says to obey, he means like right now.

Speaker 1: 17:58

Yes, immediately, quickly. Yes, yes For there's consequences, but I love that. You know God did not leave you in your running stage, in your, you know, in the adultery, because God loved you so much that he said no more child, no more. It's time to come home. It's time to repent, it's time to confess.

Speaker 2: 18:24

Yeah, yeah. So I love that, I love that about God.

Speaker 1: 18:28

He's a good heavenly Father that he loves us so much to not let us just keep running.

Speaker 2: 18:36

Yeah, I mean, it makes me teary-eyed to hear you articulate that, because that's exactly what it was. It was God in his love and his grace, despite my outright rebellion and sin.

Speaker 1: 18:48

Yes.

Speaker 2: 18:49

Against him that said I am here and I am coming after you.

Speaker 1: 18:53

Yes, you need to come home, you know. Yeah, that's right, yeah, you are my child and it's time for some hard discipline. But it's got to be done, because no more, no more. And I love, I love that when God does that for us. I love it, I love it.

Speaker 2: 19:12

It was amazing. And so even in the moment my husband called me at work, he said I just kind of you know. He said you need to come home and I knew what it was about. He didn't say on the phone. And I walked sheepishly in the door and he sat me down and he was like almost, almost ashamed to ask me such a ridiculous question, because it seems so ridiculous to him that he would have to ask the question of you know.

Speaker 2: 19:35

This man called me. This is what he said Is it true? And I have said yes, it is, it is true, and had to give all the gory details as much. You know it was Right Five years. So it was the very scratching the surface of the details in that moment and I felt so many things at the same time. In that moment I did feel incredible remorse and guilt and just utter brokenness over the things that I had done. That I now also had to articulate to my sweet husband's Right. So I had no idea what was going on, did you at that point did you want to run from?

Speaker 1: 20:22

just, you know, answering his questions, you know being confronted in, you know what you had done at that point. Did you want to? Just, okay, I just want to run. I just I don't want to answer your questions, I don't want to even repent. I, you know, want to stay where I'm at. I mean, at any point when I guess you were confessing or your husband was, you know, questioning. Is this true, is this real? Was there a point where you were like ready to run from that?

Speaker 2: 21:02

That's a great question, cause I think that could certainly be the tendency I've been running for so long, right.

Speaker 2: 21:07

Like I didn't have to face the face with the reality of what I had done.

Speaker 2: 21:12

But I will say in that moment no, I was just so. Even though I felt all these other things, and I was so horrified at what I had to confess and tell my husband, I also was so relieved that it would finally be over, because, again, I didn't want to be living the way that I was living and I knew it wasn't life-giving or anything that it should be. And I felt God's peace and I know this probably makes some people mad, but I honestly I felt God's joy because because, like you just said, like finally his daughter was coming home, right. You see, terry, I'm like, yeah, like I just felt immense peace and joy. And you know, and that's hard Cause, at this same exact moment I have just completely broken free from my prison, but now I've put that prison in a sense, on my husband, who has to wrestle now with all these truths and realities of. I know that, I know that who you are in Christ, but at the same time you did these things Like how do I recognize that?

Speaker 1: 22:21

Yeah, so yeah, and then I mean how does God take me back? How does? How do I forgive myself? How does God forgive me? Oh no, I completely, yeah, understand.

Speaker 2: 22:33

For sure, and those were. Those were some of the lies that I had believed for so long, as I mentioned that God wouldn't take me back, god could never forgive me, and one of the biggest ones was curly from Satan, but that this is just who you are. This is just who you are. This is the adulterous person. This is your identity.

Speaker 1: 22:50

Yes, yes, yeah, and you know God had. Well, satan has told me numerous and numerous times because even on the podcast I'm a runner, I'm it, I'm a runner and Satan had told me this is who you are, this is exactly who you are, this is who you always will be. But God has said oh no, you were a runner, but oh, but, but God, but God that's it by God.

Speaker 2: 23:18

Yeah, you know, by God.

Speaker 1: 23:20

Exactly Intervened and said you know what, you're a runner, but I'm gonna take that running story and I'm gonna use it for you know, God's glory and he is, you know, and just like your story, God is using your story to help other women. I believe that, and so that's, that's awesome and thank you. I mean, that's hard, just the small part that you're sharing with us here. It is hard, it's not easy to share that running story, that simple part of our lives, you know.

Speaker 2: 23:56

Sure sure.

Speaker 1: 23:57

Yeah. So then, okay, you've confessed you know, to your husband. Then what I mean? Do you all separate? Do you divorce? Do you? What happens next?

Speaker 2: 24:08

Yeah, yeah, good question. What immediately happens next is Garrett says I forgive you, and by this time we have called our other pastor in, because Garrett had called him ahead of time and said FYI, this is going down, I may need you to come over, so you have to come over, and so that pastor at the time was kind of like time out. That's great, you know, but like we have a journey here, we got a long road ahead of us. But I think what we took from that is that Garrett immediately was committed to working towards understanding all the things and working towards forgiveness and reconciliation, and that in itself is a miracle, because I think so many people that have experienced this just I mean, you can't even be in the sight of the first line you need to go, like I may get there, but I can't even see you right now, you know. So that was not his response.

Speaker 2: 25:06

We stayed together the whole entire time. We did not have kids at this point. Our children came after all of this and so I know that adds another whole layer of complexness People going through this. And so we started very, you know, just minute by minute, day by day. He immediately went into sabbatical because he was in ministry for about six months, because when you're in ministry, you're pouring out what you have to do.

Speaker 2: 25:31

There was nothing in there to be able to give. It had just been sucked completely dry, right. So you know, our church really tried to provide an environment to allow some time for healing. We each kind of were given a couple of people to personally be able to meet with and to share and try to walk alongside us. We started a whole lot of counseling individually and as a couple, like two or three times a week in the beginning, honestly like we were just in there all the time.

Speaker 1: 26:04

That's right, I am very big on counseling and very big on, you know, because we can't do it alone. I mean, we have to help, especially when you have Christian counselors. You know Christian people Helping you and pouring the word of God into you and the truth of God, yeah, and who he is, which is a forgiver, which your husband Displayed, that you know. I mean, he displayed God's love and God's mercy and forgiveness Upon you, you know.

Speaker 2: 26:34

I love that. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And so you know again this is, you know, five years worth of sin that he wanted to know all the details. I was committed to answering them all truthfully and honestly, if he didn't think of the right question to ask, but God would bring something to my mind, then I would share it with them. I will say not always immediately, because that was really hard, seem to be going a little bit better that day, and it wasn't as the cloud wasn't as heavy maybe on a particular day. And then all of a sudden I have another memory to share with him or another detail to share with him, and and so. But I would eventually, you know again, I'm not talking, you know months and months, but in my taking me a few days to get up the nerve and in the courage, because I was just so hard, you know, gary even shared with me at one point in time.

Speaker 2: 27:28

He said, you know the first, it's like being hit with a baseball bat over and over again. The first few blows you really feel, but then, just after a while, it's all pain, like he. Just it wasn't like More pain on top of more pain, in a sense, it was just all so painful already, like could it get any more painful? I think is what he was trying to say. And of course you know St Louis wanted to get his foot hold again to where, if I started keeping some things right Then then I don't think we would have made it through.

Speaker 2: 28:00

And I realized, I think it was a blessing to me in a way for him to want to know all the details, because I think it would have been hard for me to fully accept and feel his forgiveness of me, which it was about two and a half years into our journey when he was able to say I forgive you again in that way that I don't know if I could have fully accepted it had I still kept anything back.

Speaker 2: 28:26

Well, yeah, you forgive me, but you still don't know this, or you wouldn't say that if human it loved me this way, if you still knew this thing right, yeah, I was grateful for that, for sure. And so, again, that's kind of, you know, fast-forward through some things. But there is there's incredible journey with God for me individually where I felt like he was just kind of taking me back and and Healing from some things and beginning to understand how I had these kind of core beliefs in my heart I wasn't really even aware of that, gave me a heartfelt view of God that was not in line with his truth. My heartfelt view of God because in my past Was that he is a God that doesn't see me and he is a God that doesn't care, and so that's going to affect how I relate to the world and my thoughts and my feelings and my actions and my behavior, so he's able to really take me in and just show me his truth of who he really is and who I truly am in him.

Speaker 1: 29:31

Hey friends, this is part one of Brenna's story Next week. Make sure to listen in for part two of Brenna's story until next time. Hey, don't forget, you can sign up for the no more running email list at info at Crystalloycom and make sure to like, share and follow. We would love for you to leave a review for the podcast. This helps us reach even more women who might find themselves running as well. Gotta run.